


The Hole In Our Hearts

by Krazy_13



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2413454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krazy_13/pseuds/Krazy_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{Sequel to Saints or Sinners by darkskiesandprettylies and Krazy 13} We all have a hole in our hearts. There are ways we can heal them, sew them back together to ease our pain. Then, there are some we cannot fix, and after that, we'll never be right again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Break one heart, fix another

I could feel my heart practically beating out of my chest. I couldn't take it anymore. My thoughts were racing. I wish I knew what I was doing; wish I knew how to handle it. My hands had stopped shaking long ago and that made carrying the suitcase so much easier. I had forgone the headphones this time, my mind too wild to bother with the comfort. Instead my ears were graced with the noise of the airport I had somehow managed to carry myself to. 

He wasn’t there; to send me off, to chastise me, to be my voice of reason. Neither of them were. I didn’t expect them to be. I didn’t expect them to follow after me. They knew where I was going. Neither had followed me, or at least made themselves obvious to me. They hadn’t called my name no matter how many times I imagined they would’ve. They hadn’t tried to stop me like I thought they would. They let me go. 

Of course they knew. Everyone knew. Everyone knew that was I so hung up on him, that I wanted more than a brief encounter, filled with hazy delight and soft kisses. I didn’t just want it. I needed it. It became what I had to have whether it was the last thing I could wish for. I couldn’t help it. 

So I succumbed to it. You know the phrase ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’? This was the embodiment of that idiom. I couldn’t beat the need, so I went off to fulfill it. He said if we changed our minds, we should join them. I planned to do just that. My heart ached in my chest just thinking about it. 

Miles and miles of rolling ocean separated us. I planned to cross it. I had to; to get to him. 

She had gone on ahead. She went first. I wouldn’t disrespect her by saying that she had less resilience than I did. I could only suppose she had stronger feelings. I understand. Now anyways. Not at the time. At the time, I was in a coma and she had gone. Now, I see it all so much more clearly. 

I looked up as the announcer called for my plane, my body having a mind of its own as it pulled me up to my full height. My heels clicked against the linoleum floor in a steady rhythm as my body carried itself to the gate without much instruction from my brain. 

I handed over my boarding pass and smiled, not genuinely but politely. Enough to pass as a human being while my mind was in such a state. I made no conversation, my coherency giving itself no opportunity to let it be pulled into questioning. Once I received the pass back, I moved forward, tugging along my suitcase behind me. 

The corridor between the gate and the actual plane was laced with people on business trips, bewildered parents dragging at least two suitcases full of souvenirs as well as a motley crew of children and their luggage, the odd student armed with a language book in hand in an attempt to let them sink into the culture and take a stab at the language. The noise was unbearable and without hesitation, my pace quickened as I swiftly maneuvered through the waves of people. 

As I got on the plane, it didn’t improve. I quickly found my seat and lifted my suitcase into the luggage compartment over my head before falling into my seat unceremoniously, a small impatient sigh falling from my lips. Seven hours this would take. Seven hours of something short of torture and then I would be able to see him, that was what I told myself. 

But would he remember me? Remember the sound of my voice drawling out his name? Remember the glimmer of my eyes as I caught his smile? Remember the golden brown curls he tangled his fingers in when he pressed his lips to mine?

So many questions. 

I knew I’d find the answer to them all once I got off this plane. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hopped out of my seat eagerly, quickly pulling out my suitcase from the luggage compartment as soon as I could figure out how to work my shaking hands again. Once my fingers curled around the plastic handle and the case was firmly on the ground, I watched the flight attendant pull the door open with a nervous itch racking through me, my foot tapping against the carpet slowly. 

I smiled once again to the attendants before moving at the most normal and conspicuous pace I could manage down the corridor between the plane and the airport. Here I was, looking for him. I couldn’t contain my anxiety nor my excitement but I tried. My steps had a bounce to them, my eyes flickered from spot to spot, searching for his dark brown hair in a sea of people. He must’ve known I was coming. I prayed to let him know. I don’t pray for people...Except him.

I had my hopes set up on a pedestal. 

In the back of my mind they were ready to be tugged down by reason, a metaphorical string attached to them, ready to be yanked to pull the idealist thoughts into the depths of my emotionally-driven lunacy. 

Then, the best thing happened. I saw him. I actually saw him. 

He didn’t see me. But that didn’t matter, because he wasn’t looking right at me. He was looking for me. That always brings a smile to my face. I caught a glimpse of his gorgeous features for a minute before he swerved around to face another direction anxiously. I walked closer to him and waited for him to face me. 

I smiled as wide and bright as I could muster before wrapping my arms around him tightly, probably a little too tightly but the way he relaxed into it was encouraging. He pulled me even closer than was probably possible and swung me around,his cheerful laugh a pure joy to hear. When we came to a slow stop and he let my feet touch the ground, his nose was buried in my hair, and his hands moved to loosen around my form, never losing that closeness, partially because I didn’t want to move and also because he didn’t want to let me go. 

“Nika.” He hummed in my ear softly, and those two syllables just set my heart all aflutter.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing I saw when I woke up was the ceiling above my head. The first thing I felt was my chest heaving. The first thing on my mind was her. Nika. I hadn’t seen her in so long. I hadn’t felt her soft touch dragging across my arms, running through my hair in a way that drove me insane.

I thought back to the dream for a moment. I saw her. I saw her smile, that beautiful smile that could brighten up a room if she wanted it to. There was always a glitter in her eyes, whether it was to find Lee, or to keep her brother from panicking. That glitter in her eyes covered the hazel hues whenever she smiled, her cute dimples that were etched into her skin that made the sight of her so much sweeter. 

I could sit there for days, and imagine all of her features perfectly. Even if our time was so short together, even when she was so focused on finding Lee and saving her, if I could draw, I would make a perfect image. It would be a bad sort of substitute for her. At least then I would have a picture; which was more permanent than my memories. 

I couldn’t let go of her, not even for a second and for every second of the many days that had passed since I saw her laid up in that hospital bed, with tubes piercing her skin and her heart rate being measured by that tedious beeping sound, the thought of never seeing her again made my heart ache. It was a constant pain in my chest that I couldn’t shake. It stopped me from forgetting her. Only in that way was I grateful for it. 

Murphy could see how I was different. He could see the distance I had put between myself and the world around me. Particularly, Kaylee. I had nothing against her, she was strong, resilient and beautiful and she was perfect for Murphy. But every time I looked at her, I saw Nika next to her, smiling, giggling at something. I could practically hear her Italian accent pouring over her words like golden honey. 

Every time I looked at Kaylee, I saw what I didn’t have. 

Her brother had kept in touch with Kaylee. When she revealed that, I decided that I would have to swallow my hallucinations and listen. 

It took her a week to wake up from the coma. I couldn’t help but imagine how she would’ve felt. Murphy snapped me out of that one quickly, he never told me why and I never expected him to. 

She hadn’t gone back to work as a CSI, she wasn’t cleared for field work and had almost been fired for going against an order. They put her on desk work until she was psychologically cleared for work. 

She had disappeared yesterday. Gone missing. Her ex-boyfriend called Lee to tell her, she didn’t tell me, but I could tell what it was in her eyes. She wasn’t anywhere you’d expect her to be.

Her brother had moved in with her to keep her safe after Kaylee had moved to be with Murphy. Angel, his name was. I remember him. He helped us to rescue Kaylee, he was the man on the phone. He didn’t look like much like his sister.

Angel didn’t like her ex-boyfriend, Danny. That’s what Lee said. Angel was always giving him shady looks for hurting his sister. Whenever Lee talked about Angel, her voice dropped to a soft tone. As if she didn’t want Murphy to hear. I said nothing, it wasn’t my place to engage. 

Danny was the other man by her side before she was taken away from me in the ambulance. I didn’t like him. He was antagonising her, smothering her. If I had her, I would give her whatever space she needed and come back when she wanted me to. Just so I could have her wrapped in my arms, with her head on my chest and her arms around my waist as she tried to pull us even closer. 

I don’t know what pulled me out from under my covers and away from my bed. I always thought of that force as God, calling me. It seemed to fit. 

I can never exactly remember what was floating through my mind as I went through my daily routine and got myself dressed, pulling the buttons of the pea coat through the holes with a practised ease. 

I could hear Murphy asking what I was doing, accompanied by the odd look on Kaylee’s face, the two were oddly in sync. It was cute in a way.

I only shook my head and kept walking, out the door. As I walked out, I heard Da calling after me, asking the same thing that Murphy did. I didn’t stop, didn’t turn around. I think he figured it out as well. Or that he resolved it was better to wait to see what would happen later.

I was led to the airport, never really sure how I knew where to go. I just did. That was the main thing. I felt a shudder wash over me and suddenly sparks were flying across my skin as if that was my sign that I was meant to be here. I thought of all the reasons why I could be here. I don’t know why it took me so long to realise it. Her. Nika. Maybe she was coming. Maybe she didn’t disappear, they just couldn’t find her. They just couldn’t figure out where she was going. Maybe, just maybe, she prayed to God, and God had brought us together. 

I twisted myself around in every direction possible, just to look for her. I let my breathing begin to increase, well, it wasn’t much of a choice, I couldn’t help it. What if I was going insane? What if she wasn’t coming? What if I got myself worked up for nothing? What if she truly was missing?

Then, I saw her. She was grinning at me. I let out a chuckle of relief as she wrapped her arms tightly around me. I didn’t even mind the tightness of her grip as my shoulders relaxed under her gentle touch. I quickly lifted her and swiftly spun her around, burying my nose in her soft curls and laughing with glee. I praised God for bringing her to me, safe and smelling like cherry coke. I found that adorable. 

I set her down on her feet, loosening my firm grip on her but pulling her close and up flush against my chest. I moved my head so my lips were now by her ear. “Nika.” I couldn’t stop the hum that fell from my lips. 

I pulled away from her ear and let her lean back in my arms, letting my gaze wander over her. The caramel coloured curls that framed her gorgeous features, then came her slender neck and slightly curvy frame, accentuated by the green dress that she wore. “Jesus.” I couldn’t help breathing out. God, she looked beautiful. 

“I thought I’d be cute.” She offered, with a smile and before I could say another word, she quickly pulled from my grasp and twirled for me, making me chuckle. 

“You’re always cute.” I murmured, grabbing her hands and linking our fingers, pulling her close to me. She shrugged and let me lead her, making no objections. “I missed you.” I told her, unlinking our hands and pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, my hand trailing to cup her cheek delicately.

She wrapped her hand around my wrist gently, looking at me with a sweet smile. “I missed you too.” She murmured just loud enough for me to hear over the crowd of people, who were bustling around us, gently bumping both of us every once in a while. 

“Let’s get you home.” Her smile widened, her dimples dipping into her soft skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {Chapter 3 is in production. This chapter is from Connor's POV as the story is written in First person and will alternate between him and Nika. Like I mentioned last chapter, it's best if you check out darkskiesandprettylies's Saints Or Sinners to understand the story a bit more.}

**Author's Note:**

> {Okay, so, this is my continuation of Saints or Sinners on darkskiesandprettylies's (fanfiction.net) profile. It's generally best if you read that first, purely so you can understand the story a bit more but you don't have to. Updates are in no way going to be regular as I'm basically writing this during my free lessons. Anyway, if you like it then perhaps you can show it in the form of a kudos, comment, subscribe or whatever they have on here.}


End file.
